Alright, border security - the hottest topic since Florida Man discovered bath salts and decided to become a one-man border patrol. Our current approach to border policy is about as effective as using a chain-link fence to stop a determined squirrel. Spoiler alert: the squirrel always wins, and now you've got a nutty situation on your hands.

Here's a wild idea: how about we actually enforce the laws we already have? I know, it's mind-blowing. It's like suggesting politicians read bills before passing them or that Twitter users think before they tweet. Revolutionary stuff, people.

And don't get me started on sanctuary cities. It's like having a "no peeing" section in a public pool. Spoiler alert: it doesn't work, and now everything's warm and gross. But hey, at least we're inclusive, right?

Remember when crossing a border illegally was, you know, illegal? Pepperidge Farm remembers, and so does my grandma, but she also thinks the internet is powered by elves, so let's not use her as our primary source.

Now, let's slap a label on a Freedom2o bottle that's more refreshing than AOC's economic policies:

"ICE Cold Refreshment"

Drink up, America. Stay hydrated, stay legal, and remember - the only thing we want sneaking across our borders is the occasional Canadian goose.